Finding True North: PART II

Posted on by kennybfrank

The Bay of Fundy

Courage is the virtue
That ultimately emerges
When we take that first step
Into uncertain terrain
When comfort and safety
Determined by fear
Disappear and clear
To a whole new frontier

FUN FACT:
Due to the unique funnel shape of the bay and the structure of the sea floor, The Bay of Fundy has the highest rising tides in the world. Twice a month the tides can reach a height of 16 metres or 53 feet. To put into context, the average tidal range worldwide is 3.3 feet.

At this immediate stage in the journey, upon waking up and crawling out of the van, I felt like I was waking up from cryogenic sleep. Like some depressurization was taking place after a length of unknown time, and I was trying to reorientate myself. I sat down by the shoreline in a daze, and this old guy wandered up from the beach walking his doggo. He promptly starts chatting me up, without hesitation. I don’t remember what he was on about, and I probably wasn’t even listening tbh, but it felt like a welcome ‘hello’ to this new reality. That it’s going to be alright. A welcome hello he had no idea I needed.

The rest of the day was still touch and go adjusting, but the scenery was all-time which definitely helped! I snapped a couple pictures for a group chat flex (shout out Treehoes!!) They were super psyched and supportive for me, and it felt like I could finally let my hair down a bit.

I was so desperate for change back home that I was endlessly reorganizing my life. Tearing things up, burning down bridges, upending everything where it seemed up-endable. I was wholly unsure of what the change needed to be. Finally stepping out into this roadtrip of uncertainty, it seemed what I really wanted was to just stop. Whatever it is I’m mindlessly doing, I want to stop that for a second and gather myself.

It’s exhausting to think that one’s ideal life is just outside of who we currently are. I have to keep striving to find something that currently isn’t me now. What if what I’m seeking and desiring, is the ending of the search. Having to constantly find more, because what I am can’t be. Why not? What is it that I want so badly, that I can’t stop searching for a second and just relax. I’m seeking to not have to seek anymore. Ridiculous.

This is something I read from a buddhist text, which I’ll interpret poorly but echos that last sentiment —
“We don’t need more self-love, we only need to recognize that we are love. It’s already there. We don’t need to find it for ourselves, we just need to see that we already have it. One need not seek a trait that is naturally inherent at birth.”

We’re afraid to get in touch with ourselves, what we’ll find there. But the more we get in touch with ourselves, the more we recognize that our foundation is love. I’m afraid that I’ll find this thing, this wrongness that lives in me which will permanently afflict my life. But, when I don’t avoid it and actually follow it to its end, there’s plenty of love available for that “wrongness” too.

Finding True North: PART I

Posted on by kennybfrank

The Border of Canada

I went over the border
to sort some disorder
Of what I'm not sure
Some old myth of normal 
Some arbitrary line
To divide and confine
Our wild natures course
Time to find our true north

FUN FACT:
Where the Gulf of Maine meets the Bay of Fundy on the US-Canadian border, is Machias Seal Island. This 20-acre island is the last piece of land whose sovereignty is disputed between the United States and Canada!

I originally schemed to create a daily blog for each leg of my Canadian Journey, highlighting the epic travels with my profound insights. It would include magnificent photos and videos, deep poetic musings of the landscapes and cultures, and all accentuated by original music that emphasized the vibrancy of the environment. It was going to be enthralling, with readers being completely swept up in awe and uncontrollable emotion.

Well for those of you who know when I actually left for the journey knows that idea completely failed… I’m already sitting comfortably at home having finished the trip. I’m a little embarrassed for those I told to “keep an eye out”.

Still, it is nice now having this bit of separation to look back and reflect. Reliving some of those moments that went by so fast. Reading my then insights, contrasting them with my now appreciation for each experience. It’s actually a profound comparison. So hopefully these post-Canada posts are still welcomed to read as they are still to share.

Roadtripping is tough stuff! Especially when you have no idea what you are doing and plan very poorly. I bought a contractor van to travel and sleep in, which didn’t come with any structural mods or installs of any kind. Just a rusty metal box-on-frame. Something you can casually drop a foot through the flooring.

I also decided to bring my cat, Steezy, along for the ride. He’s never adapted well to wearing a harness and generally doesn’t enjoy car rides. He really hasn’t been out of the apartment for any extended period of time. But he’s the homie and is always down for some new shenanigans.

I packed everything I absolutely did not need, and lots of it. Skipping on the bare essentials and natural survival-ware. I spent the first day having to move a bunch of stuff to find something, only to move it all back again and promptly losing whatever it was again in the process. I must have made 4 Walmart trips on the ride up for basic necessities. I brought a camelback and a portable jug, but zero actual water.

The first day and night was mostly bumping my head or tripping over something, and endlessly thrashing about in frustration. Steezy had the uncanny ability to be exactly in the way of whatever I was trying to do at any given time. Not much was structurally secure in the van and had the legitimate potential of becoming a life-threatening projectile.

But ripping through deep backwoods Maine at 11pm was a vibe. Seeing these lights appear out of nowhere like a UFO landing, realizing it was the border crossing. We were met with a “bonjour” and a million confused questions about where I was going in a cargo van with a cat in the middle of the night, in the middle of the nowhere. They let us in through 🤷.

We stayed at an RV park that may have been where they filmed Trailer Park Boys. But it was majestically dark, the stars were twinkling brilliantly in the night sky. A crisp chill filled the air from the undeveloped shoreline. It was deathly quiet, except for one lone loon call off in the distance. We had made it to the Great White North! Our journey had begun.

Trying to Be You

Posted on by kennybfrank 
So hell bent on being authentic
I've bent myself 
Helplessly 
Out in the attempts

Instead of making progress
I wander in circles
Trying to make my own mark
Start blazing my own trails

Off the beaten path
No rest, no turning back
Wandering into intersections
Blasting right through the traffic

Ignoring the forewarnings
Or the offerings of others
Stepping over the misfortuned
Avoiding encumbrances

No tolls, no detours
A go-getter to the end
Got to get there
Alone and independent

Morning through sunsets
Soles of shoes worn and broken
Falling apart 
Under marching orders no one ordered

Ever forward, even if it isn't forward
Stay busy with your purpose
Stay busy
Don't be worthless

Forever chasing the means to be unique
Completely forgotten 
To actually let life live
Without need to be remarkable

You're already novel and unique
No need to seek the proof
Because no one is critiquing you
On how well you can be you.


New Album

Posted on by kennybfrank
The Obstacle is the Way

Self-written, self-produced, self-mixed, and self-sacrificed with self-sweat and self-tears.
The continued journey of self-actualization found through artistic expression. Music undeniably makes life better; for some of us, it makes living possible. The path is clear: Acknowledge who you are, and practice the art of expressing yourself. It may not be easy, but it is both your life’s work and your greatest gift. Acknowledge your art!

Also available on Spotify, Apple Music, Youtube, or wherever else you experience music!

The Card Game

Posted on by kennybfrank 
I've forgotten what started this game to be honest
But regardless I'm always all in, deal the cards then
Flip em over, oh well nothing but jokers
But hold up are jokers wild or no luck?

No ace up my sleeve neither
No beaters no keepers
No freecard sweeteners
Fair player, but whose the dealer?

 Do I even know how to play
Were there rules? Did I read them?
Is anybody else even in
This game I'm perceiving?

Did I conceive this up in my head
How much money have I bet?
For luck and upsets
Busts and much debt

With no said competitors
Who have no wages
How is there a game
When your the only one playing

You're the croupier, you can stop the game
There is no win or loss
Nothing to prove
Put down the cards and walk away.

Personality Disorder

Posted on by kennybfrank 
INFJ, ENFP, 
ISTP,
ADHD, MDMA, 
MIA, ASAP

Eventually I blend in
With whatever you need me to be
Seamlessly, revealing characters
I'm yet to actually meet

My demeanor, shows up believable
While completely leaving myself
Of everything, authenticity
Briggs & Meyers can't pin me down

Crossing wires, twisting, tossing seeds
Scattered lost and knotted weeds
Helplessly harvesting
Parts of me not for the reap

Taking shots in the dark
Throwing darts, tossing paint on the wall
Nothing has stuck yet
Ends up chipping and warped

So I'm starting the restoration
The process of cleaning my closet
Yet it's so deep with hallways
And dead ends and cobwebs

And I'm starting to perspire a bit
Because half this shit is on fire
I require retardants
That cause their own problems mesotheliomas

Can't see, can't focus
I can barely breath, I'm choking
Holding my breath 
Through the smoldering wreckage I have set

On myself to suffer through
An utter cluttered chaos
Not knowing if I'm suffering
A thousand deaths or just one

Death of ego or something
I've never fully understood the subtleties
But underneath this rubble
May be a young seed

One I will nourish and cultivate
With understanding and loving through and through
Colorfully
I can show up to this world fully bloomed.

EverGreen Ever Grateful

Posted on by kennybfrank 
When you really need someone to listen
Speak with the coniferous
I don't mean that symbolically
I mean honestly talk with conviction

Other people aren't always
Fitted for the worthy position
And the ones who just might get it
Will still insist on their opinions

The arbor has wisdom
That we didn't know existed
Until we sit with it
Against it's nourishing steadiness

With assistance in it's persistence
Omit within stillness
The occasional creak
Lilting in the wind it acknowledges us

It's giving with willingness
To shelter and shade
Fresh air biofiltration
The framework for warmth and written communication

Nature graciously sent us these sentients
As sentinels
Stoically overlooking as kinfolk
With such strength sturdy, yet so gentle

Evergreen ever grateful.

Course Correction

Posted on by kennybfrank 

Am I supposed to takeover
It seems whenever I begin
Whatever is already in motion
Begins to tremble with the wind

When I'm in the cockpit
Trying to steer fearful and stiff
Shifting gears, course correcting
Through thick fog and turbulence 

Preparing to land on the skids
Heading for canopy covered ridges
Can't ditch now amid tailwinds
All I can do is commit

And prepare for impact
How do I end up in this position?
I was securely intact
Now I'm spinning like whirligigs

Gripping the instructors booklet
Which is just as gibberish
If it was written in hieroglyphics
Why so ambiguous

Inhaling with shallow breath
Gasping ready for wreckage
A test dummy strapped in
An expendable lemming

But do I ever actually crash
Is there actually anything wrong
Just because It's out of my control
Doesn't mean all is lost

If I just relax, trust the flow
Notice whats fine all along
Finally conscious
There was no need to course correct at all.

Reciprocity

Posted on by kennybfrank 
Reciprocity, give and receive often
That's our philosophy
Or at least it ought to be
The common theme ideology

We're not without the offering
The generosity of all we see
Someone worked long and hard
To provide the things you often need

They wrought to the bone
Worn heart and soul
At what cost, what was lost
Hopefully we'll know the toll

Ethology, anthropology
Various studies composited
Probably don't fully perceive
The level of effort exhausted

Hardships and woes
Roles earned and lost and molded
We've all participated
Not as individuals but as a whole

Billions of years totaled
Billions of years to go
Wholly easy to be lost in the fold
But you're woven into whats sewn